Workplace Banter

 

Being a uni student, typically you have a crap part-time job. Crap in the sense that you need zero qualifications, and don’t get paid a crazy amount. This is all part and parcel of the ‘poor student’ life, and so all you can really do is make friends with the people you work with to make the hours of your shift pass faster.

Now I consider myself a little bit lucky. I actually like my part-time job. I work in a cafe, and get along pretty well with everyone I work with. Since shifts are so long, (9.5 hours,) and we have only two people on at a time, a lot of conversation flies back and forth in a day. Thankfully, this is one of my stronger points. (Talking a lot, that is. SURPRISE! )

So it was just a normal day. I’m flipping eggs and taking orders. We’re not particularly busy, and my colleague is chatting to me about something or other. I can’t remember exactly what we were talking about, but he says,

‘You’d make a really good lesbian.’

Sorry… what?

Now I wasn’t offended in the least by this. Probably because this co-worker and I know each other fairly well, and also because I don’t think being called a lesbian is offensive. It’s the reasoning why he thinks so that hooks me. So I press on.

‘What makes you say that?’ He stops and earnestly thinks.
‘I don’t really know… I can’t explain it. I just think you would be,’ his eyes widen in horror as he considers how this may be read. ‘Not in a… GROSS, or anything way, like not that I’d….’ I can see what he means and re-assure him I’m not offended. Still curious, I bring up the subject with my neighbour that night.  To my surprise, he says he understands my colleague’s reasoning. At least, he tries to.

‘It’s hard to explain… it’s like… I don’t know it’s like… I don’t know… I mean like… well I guess… you’re kind of…like a boy… a bit…’

 I can see he’s struggling to explain what he means without sounding offensive. Again, I re-assure him. It’s no secret I’m a bit of a boy sometimes.

My confusion rests in my friends’ lack of ability to explain what they mean. Obviously there is some kind of lesbian stereotype that matches some kind of characteristic they also attribute to me, but can’t explain. I’m a little taken aback that their minds so automatically jump to judgement via stereotype. But hey, now we’re bordering thesis territory, so we’ll leave that there.

Although I wasn’t offended by what was said, I’d still say it was little awkward. Both my friends faltered self-consciously when I asked them to explain what they meant, and I think both realized they were playing straight into a stereotype they had never thought to question or explore properly. 

It’s awkward on that level but also an awkward question of what is ok to ask people about themselves. Slash, what it’s ok to comment on. But for me, it’s also kind of awkward because when I look at the scenario externally, I feel it should have been MORE awkward, if that makes sense. Like it should have struck me as stranger such stereotypes are so ingrained, and I should have been at least a little affronted at such a comment on my sexuality. But I wasn’t. And whatever kind of reflection that is of myself/society/media/whateveryouwishtoinsert I don’t really know. Which is also kind of awkward.