NO GARY NO

So I was riding the train. Like I normally do on my way into uni. Nothing out of the ordinary, just chillin,’ got my headphones in, looking all hipster and aloof in my baggy jumper. (It was really cold ok!) So the train stops at Melbourne Central. I stand up, facing the doors and waiting for the button to turn green so I can begin the pilgrimage to my French tute. I turn to the left inadvertently.

And there’s a man crouched in that little ‘in between’ bit between carriages, holding awkwardly onto the handle leading into our carriage. It looks like he’s been riding the train like that this entire time. God knows where he got on. I don’t even think I want to know. Anyway, I’m standing there, hopelessly confused, when I spy a clue.

There is a lit cigarette from hanging from the hand that isn’t wrapped desperately around the handle for dear life.

This man rode the train in that windy, dangerous, moveable-floor in-between-carriage-carriage, from God knows what station, because he couldn’t wait for a cigarette.

Probably one of the best ads ever.

(And wouldn’t the wind put it out anyway?)

I’ve seen my fair share of nicotine addicts, but I don’t think anything this awkward. Maybe it was just the absurdity of the image that made it seem so ridiculous in my head. But still, how desperate ARE you? And if he HAD got on only a station or two before, surely he could wait the ten minutes for a smoke? And if not, how could he have stayed in crouching-child position, with cold wind and that God awful wind-noise all around him for longer than ten minutes?

This trumps my previous awkward ‘nicotine-owns-you’ smoker moment, where a former colleague asked me to buy him a deck because there was someone in the milk bar across the road he didn’t want to talk to. Armed with a piece of paper with the exact name of the brand he wanted, I walked over. Now I have never bought a packet of cigarettes before, and have little to no idea about the difference between brands. So when I was handed the wrong packet, how was I supposed to know?

Needless to say he wasn’t impressed. Think The Hulk meets Angelica from Rugrats. Yeah. He ended up switching them back and got his happy ending though; in the form of I think maybe half the pack in a 6 hour shift.

Ironically that same day he told me he was planning on cutting out carbs completely in an effort to be healthier.

I can’t think of a segway clever enough to link to this ad I found when looking for pictures of NO GARY NO! But I think it’s worth sharing. So here’s a really awkward French anti-smoking ad to carry this thing home.

Translated I'm at least 85% sure it means 'Smoking, it's being a slave to tabacco'